Here’s the line-up of another five favorites from over 150 blog posts, in no particular order:
1. Messages from Mom – October 25, 2020
This was an almost surreal collection of events that occurred in connection with my mother’s passing in 2014:
My mom lost the power of speech about a year prior to her death due to cognitive decline, although her face would convey responses to my cheerful chatter. [Two days before she died] … she smiled at me, and cheerfully asked, “how are the boys?” … We had a short but clear conversation… I did not know it, but she was saying goodbye. … [Later], my brother and I cleared out her room at the assisted living center. After donating what we could, and keeping what we loved, we dumped the rest at the local transfer station. … The cashier … informed us we owed $23.00. We searched my mother’s fanny pack … and opened her wallet. It contained exactly $23.00 cash. … [We knew], she left us the cash to pay her way.
[At her life celebration], I was touched that the devoted nursing home caregiver who was holding her as she gently slipped away attended. … Later that night, my young adult children connected and celebrated with their cousins at a downtown Seattle bar. … At the end of the evening, they summoned an Uber car. [Shirley’s care giver who came to her life celebration was the driver.] … He drove for Uber at night to supplement his income. The odds that my mother’s caregiver drove for Uber, that he was working on the night of her life celebration, that he was in the area where Shirley’s grandchildren were assembled, and that his car was randomly selected as one of the countless Saturday night Uber cars is infinitesimal. Unless, of course, Shirley had a hand in it.
2. The Power and the Promise of Self-Reliance – March 29, 2020
This was a reflection on the power of independence against the social backdrop of my generation that assumed marriage would provide me the security that I needed:
The expectation of family stability, and the assurance of its continuity, is arbitrarily sprinkled onto the populace. I grew up with the backdrop of capricious misfortune always hovering at the perimeter of my consciousness. I shouldered obligations that were not asked of me; I assumed them while wearing the mantle of responsibility. I developed persistence when aptitude failed me and pluck when misfortune befell me. Where I lacked advantage, I substituted ambition. Adversity is a heartless master, but I grew at its feet.
I’m proud of who I’ve become, though it’s not tied to net worth, professional reputation, or personal relationships. For me, success is the knowledge that I am strong and capable. I am blessed with the love and support of family and friends, but I am deeply aware that my survival is not tethered to the existence of anyone other than myself. … In many ways, I became the person that society encouraged me to marry.
3. Pet Pilgrimage – July 45, 2020
There is simply nothing more joyful than watching rescue dogs find their forever homes:
… Each new dog is escorted out, one by one, with what feels like an interminable interval in between. Audible gasps, cheers, and applause great each new arrival: a large, white, long-haired mama dog, having recently separated from her litter; a black and white pit bull who is given a handsome new wide, leather collar; and an old stray with a look of stoic resignation in his eyes. Two puppies come out, shaking with the stress and uncertainty of the unknown. A one-eyed pug snuggles immediately into the arms of his adoptive mother, instantly knowing that he found his forever home. … Young women exhale high-pitched exclamations, and mature couples allow happiness to displace their customary emotional reserve. A middled-aged tough guy glances downward to disguise the softening in his eyes as he pets and murmurs at an endearing mixed breed mutt.
.. The tedious expedition that began days earlier and the heartfelt quest to adopt a pet unite in a grateful confluence. The rescued stray doggies do not know it yet, but their lives just took a permanent and happy pivot that began with the opening screech of the truck’s pull-up door. … My husband and I look at each other in a moment of perfect understanding as our son cradles a resilient mixed breed puppy in his arms and heads to his car. Our hearts are full as we are struck by his instant attachment and devotion. Salvation for all of us can be as simple as adopting a lovable dog that needs a home.
4. Marital Mismatch – December 26, 2021
This essay received more commentary than anything I have ever written, and for some reason, it cracked me up:
[This new issue in my marriage] has not really created matrimonial discord. It is more like a marital misunderstanding. Don and I are not dissimilar in political or world viewpoints. We are aligned in the most fundamental way when it comes to how we spend our time or our money and the level of effort we expend on our home and each other. But when it comes to cell phone technology, we have the 2020’s equivalent of a mixed marriage.
I am on Team iPhone, and he is on some other team. I do not even know what product or model it is. For several years, he had been complaining about his phone – about not receiving text messages promptly, having trouble accessing and forwarding photos, and the like. I thought that meant he was tired of his Team Other device, so I assumed he was going to ditch it. I had been promising myself a new iPhone for years, and the ribbing of family millennials finally got to me. So, this year, Don and I covenanted to buy new phones as our Christmas presents.
Several days before going to our Verizon appointment, I asked Don how he felt about switching to an iPhone, and he gave me a blank stare as though I had mentioned, in passing, that I was divorcing him and moving to a secluded area in the Andes to raise alpacas. He said that he was upgrading his phone, not switching product manufacturers. … I felt a bit peeved that my husband was exercising free will.
But the smartphone salesperson nodded agreeably when we told her that we wanted dissimilar products, as though it was a commonplace request. She didn’t blink, nor did she think us odd. It was as though she was a restaurant server and we had simply ordered different entrees. My iPhone13 Pro order was placed with dispatch. I left the store soon after, leaving Don to buy his Team Other device, which, due its apparent unpopularity, they had in stock.
Two and ½ hours later, Don called me from Data Transfer Hell, a little-known territory within Verizon. He was 87% done with the process. I commiserated with him in a superficial display of sympathy. If, on the other hand, he had been transferring data to an iPhone 13, I probably would have driven back to Verizon with a bottle of water and a mid-morning snack and cheerily told him how much he was going to love his new phone.
5. Workday Wind Down – August 15, 2021
The topic of this blog post was a simple conversation that my husband and I had sitting outdoors after a busy workday. But I am struck by the clear expression of my gratitude:
We begin to talk. At first, our discourse is truncated, cliched snippets of daily toils and duties. We counter each other’s comments automatically with sympathetic murmurs and acknowledging nods. We speak about the week’s calendar, and I remind Don of upcoming tasks that need completion.
The tone begins to lighten, and I test the conversational waters by making a joke that Don does not respond to, whether due to distraction or intention, I cannot tell. I repeat the joke and give him a playful shove, and he turns to me, sheepish at not responding and gives me a slight smile. His body relaxes imperceptibly, as does mine. We fall silent, once again.
The quiet and stillness summon reflection. I remark how peaceful the evening is. Though our lives seem incessantly and frantically busy, we have time to sit – unlike the days when we had children at home. Those years were wondrous and affirming, but we had too-few opportunities to reflect on their richness. Gratitude begins to tiptoe towards us, hesitant in its approach. We stay motionless, allowing gratefulness to become emboldened, rushing up to us with unfettered abandon. We hold space and breathe in a sense of abundance.
Our conversation becomes more thoughtful and introspective. We speak with almost reverential solemnity about how hard we have worked – and for how long. Career, family, financial, health, and relationships goals - those never-ending lifelong endeavors - seem almost incomprehensibly within reach. We acknowledge that loss and adversity are always around the corner, and we cannot predict when our life paths will take that turn. But even that awareness does not diminish the tangible, glimmering light that our earthly aspirations are, against all odds, capable of accomplishment.
And that’s a wrap! Next week, I will resume new content as I stumble towards the ambivalent promise of the new year.